So, why do so many people assume that monogamy is boring? It isn’t, and here are a few reasons why!
Quality over quantity
Sex is like wine, it gets better with age. And by age, I mean as I get older, and also as the relationship gets older. The quality of sex improves during the course of a relationship as you get to know each other better, and trust each other more.
Rather than becoming boring or repetitive, sex has the potential to become more exciting and uninhibited, because of the trust you and your partner share and develop together. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but been afraid to ask, a loving partner in a long-term relationship is a great (and safe) space to explore your fantasies.
Admittedly, the quantity of sex may diminish slightly over time compared to when you first get together. But you can’t keep shagging like rabbits forever! There are bills to pay, friends to hang out with and a life to be had outside of the bedroom too!
Sleeping around gets samey too
I don’t mean to discredit anyone who enjoys casual sex. I’m a big believer that as gay men, we should all support each other’s choices. The only thing I will say is that in response to the accusation that monogamy is boring because it’s essentially the same thing over and over again, sleeping around is the same thing over and over again too.
Whether you spend hours online, on hook up apps or in bars looking for the next guy to get with, it’s essentially playing the same game, and following the same routine, isn’t it? There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just that like anything else, that has the capacity to get boring too.
So it’s really not about doing the same thing over and over again (whether it’s sleeping with the same guy, or many different guys), it’s more about our own approach to it. Monogamy only gets boring if you let it get boring.
Boredom is a frame of mind…YOUR mind
Our lives consist largely of repetition. Every day, we wake up and essentially repeat what we did the day before, or at least large chunks of it. This is especially true if work or study dominate your life. And yet despite this repetition, many of us love our jobs, our studies and how we live each day.
The same frame of mind can be applied to sex and relationships too. Instead of seeing a level of comfort with each other, and the routines you have created in your lives, as boring, choose to see them as a product of a stable, loving environment instead!
Sex vs. intimacy
Monogamy isn’t just about sex. Intimacy comes into it too. Many different people have described the differences between sex and intimacy in a number of ways. For me, I see sex as being focused on the physical, while intimacy, adds a degree of something else (I don’t know what that is exactly, whether it’s soulfulness, or spirituality, or essence) in addition to the physical.
When sex is just sex, it’s like any other physical activity. It’s like playing tennis with someone. You get into it, work up a sweat and hopefully, both enjoy the time spent on the court. But intimacy transcends the physical. It truly is one of the most amazing and beautiful experiences you can share with someone. And the thing about intimacy (for me, at least) is that it gets better the more you know, love and trust your partner.
There’s no right or wrong to conduct our sex lives. My hope with this article was to simply re-frame monogamy, especially within the gay community, in a positive light. What are your thoughts about monogamy, sex and relationships?