Why I’ll Never Be Instagay Hot (& Why I’m Totally OK With It)

I’ll never be Instagay hot. This isn’t a pity me statement, or even a depressing one. It’s just reality. And it’s a reality that I have fully and wholeheartedly embraced.

I have nothing against the Instagay hotness I see in my Instagram feed. In fact, I celebrate and support it. It’s just that for a number of reasons, I know I’ll never be Instagay hot – and I am totally, 100% OK with it. Seriously!

Being Instagay hot takes a lot of effort


And time. And preparation. And research. And commitment.

While I enjoy focusing on my health, fitness and nutrition, there’s a world of difference between what I do, and what an Instagay hot guy does. It’s like playing tennis socially once a week, versus being a pro player who eats, breathes and lives the game. There’s no comparison.

Instagay hot guys work hard to get the results that they do. I admire them for it. And in all honesty, it inspires me. Not to be like them, but to help me maintain my level of focus on my own health, fitness and nutrition.

I know I’ll never be as fit, as healthy, as strong or as well built as an Instagay hot guy. And that’s OK. It’s not a resignation, it’s an acceptance. I do what I feel comfortable to do in my life to look after myself.

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My reasons for working out aren’t about appearance

Being a yo-yo gym goer for most of my 20s, when I turned 30, I made a pact with myself. I decided to change my approach and committed to finding a way to work out that was sustainable, and that I could actually stick to.

To do this, I had to get honest with myself. My failed attempts at sticking to gym going ultimately came down to my real reasons for working out. I was telling everyone (and trying to convince myself) that I was working out for health reasons. Really though, I just wanted to get big, beefy and muscled. In essence deep down, I did want to be Instagay hot.

This disconnect between intention and action is what led me to fail EVERY SINGLE TIME. So I turned 30 and got real. Now I really do workout to get strong and fit. Five years in, I can bench press more than ever, do correct form pull ups and hold a plank properly.

All great achievements, and ones that I’ve worked hard for. But they’re not achievements that are reflected in my bicep size. And that’s OK. For some guys (like me) there is a difference between size and strength. I’m not saying you can’t have both. You might be able to, but I don’t. And I’m totally cool with that.

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I kissed supplements good-bye

I think it’d be fairly safe to say that most Instagay hot guys use some form of supplement. This isn’t necessarily a bad/judgement statement, it’s just the reality for a lot of guys who work out. For a long time, it was my reality too.

In a way, this was the biggest and hardest decision to make. Mainly because it’s affected my external appearance the most. When I got real about why I was really workout out (see point 1 above), I had to decide what to do about the 2-3 protein shakes I was downing daily. Was I really working out to get healthy and strong – or just to get big and look good?

Protein shakes helped get me big. And since I was putting in the hard yards in the gym, I felt it was a suitable reward mechanism. Train hard, down a shake, get big. And if that’s how it worked, I might have stuck with them.

Except my body never really liked protein shakes. They made me feel bloated, sometimes even queasy. Yet I wouldn’t listen to my body. I just kept powering through. I experimented with different types of shakes, different proteins and different flavours. Some were better than others, but none left me feeling, well healthy. And wasn’t that the point of it all?

If I was ultimately working out to be genuinely healthy, I had to cut the shakes out of my life. They weren’t working for me (which isn’t to say that protein shakes are bad in general). This was a decision I made for me, and my body.

The results were predictable. I lost muscle weight and size. I’m not going to lie, it was disheartening at first. I wondered whether I’d made the right decision.

But then I thought that I could use this as the first step in my journey. You can’t deal with something honestly and genuinely, if you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Losing 10-15kgs is hard to witness, but it’s honest. I ended up with the body I really had, not the body I had due to protein shakes.

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My selfie game is weak

Instagay hot guys have got it – and they’re not shy about flaunting it. Whether it’s modelling a new pair of swimmers, taking a shirtless jog, or posing with a cute puppy – Instagay hot dudes aren’t shy about sharing many aspects of their lives with their followers.

I’m a bit different.

I’m a private person, who doesn’t really take selfies. (Shocking, right?) I am trying to break through and begin sharing more aspects of my life, but it’s not something that comes naturally or easily to me.

I’m actually not on Instagram personally – the blog has an account, not me. So this allows me a degree of anonymity and privacy, but there is a tension there. People, naturally, want to learn more about the accounts they follow. Whether those accounts are of people, or of businesses. But I really, really, really hate taking photos – especially selfies.

So what’s a gay blogger to do? Hopefully get by on building up an awesome following of readers who actually want to read and are interested in what I have to write – not how well I pose shirtless in front of a gym mirror.

Like I’ve said many times, I love the hot guys on Instagram. This isn’t meant as a dig at them in the slightest. Enjoying the hotness on Instagram doesn’t have to come at the sacrifice of your own sense of self-worth or self-esteem. I hope that with this article, I’ve given you a glimpse into how I reconcile these two things.

Whether you’re Instagram hot (or not) my hope is that the way you feel about your body and your appearance comes from a place of love and acceptance. That’s not just wankery speak either. There has never been, nor will there ever be, another person like you on this planet (unless the lizard overlords have taken control of cloning, but that aside). Rather than seeing yourself as something, or someone, that you’re not (i.e. that Instagay hot dude), see yourself for who you are. A truly unique and unrepeatable human being!