Porn Again: A Memoir

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Put simply, Porn Again: A Memoir is great book! I started reading it and It quickly become a book that I couldn’t put down, staying up way past my bedtime to finish it.

It’s written by Josh Sabarra, who I first came across while listening to Feast Of Fun. He was on the podcast talking about the book, and he came across as really well spoken, intelligent and with something interesting to say. So I decided to download the book.

Porn Again serves up a lot of behind the scenes Hollywood realness. If you love finding out about the intricacies of what goes on behind the facades of fame, money and power – you’ll definitely enjoy the book. I have to admit this is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine from time to time. But for me, it wasn’t the best part of the book.

porn-again-image-01The heart of the book, and of Josh’s story more broadly, is his coming to terms with his sexuality. For some reason, this really fascinates me because even though it’s something that pretty much all gay men can relate to personally, the experience for each and every one of us, is always slightly different and unique. Even though I live on the other side of the world, and perhaps can’t relate to some aspects of Josh’s life (growing up Jewish, working in showbiz etc.) there’s so much more stuff that I can (and did) relate to. The commonalities we share outweigh the differences.

Hearing about life from someone else’s perspective can be healing and quite profound. When I reached out to Josh to interview him for the blog, I found him to be a genuinely nice and lovely guy. I’d like to thank Josh for taking the time to answer these questions. And I hope you guys enjoy the interview!

Little Gay Blog – What inspired you to write a memoir (at a relatively young age, as far as memoirs go) and what did you learn about yourself during the writing process?

Josh – I don’t think anyone is too young or too old to write a memoir. Non-fiction writing can capture any span of time – whether it’s a few weeks or, in my case, 40 years. If you have a story to tell, tell it. Period.

I struggled for decades to find myself and to be comfortable in my own skin. As I approached the beginning of the second half of my life, I thought that my stories might inspire people to step into themselves and entertain at the same time.

During the writing process, I learned that I had been borrowing my sense of self for so long. I looked to food, plastic surgery, my career, my lovers and my celebrity friendships to try to make myself appealing to other people. I finally realised that I am enough, on my own terms.

You’re very upfront and honest in the book, especially when it comes to yourself and revealing aspects of your personal life. How did you decide what went into the book? Were any topics off limits or was it a case of anything goes?

I had an amazing editor in New York, and we agreed at the beginning of the project, that nothing would be off limits. The idea was tell the most honest story possible. I wanted to stay true to my experiences and my sensibility, warts and all.

porn-again-image-02One of the topics I like to explore on the blog is the concept of a ‘gay community’. When you moved out of home, you spent your 20s and 30s living in places such as New York and LA. These are places that are generally considered to be pretty gay-friendly, or at least have gay-friendly areas. During these years when you were struggling with accepting your sexuality and yet living in there relatively progressive places, did you ever feel like you could reach out to the large LGBT community within the city to possibly help you with what you were going through at the time? If not, what was holding you back?

I didn’t come out until I was 31, and I let my Hollywood career and celebrity friends be the smoke and mirrors in front of me. I wrestled with my sexuality because I had been told by schoolmates and camp counsellors – from the time I was 6 – that homosexuality was not acceptable.

Because it had been drilled into me so early, I repressed my feelings and avoided reaching out to the LGBT community. I have no doubt that they would have been there for me, had I been comfortable knocking on their door.

You have worked extensively in the entertainment industry. Again, this can be considered to be quite a progressive and ‘gay-friendly’ environment. Did working in such an industry make it easier or harder for you to deal with and accept your sexuality?

The entertainment industry has traditionally been accepting of everyone, and it certainly felt good to know that, when I was ready, I would be embraced on a personal level. That said, Hollywood can be an exclusionary club; it’s a difficult place for people who don’t already have a strong sense of who they are.

I really liked how by the end of the book, it seemed that you had found peace, acceptance and even happiness within yourself. Are you at a happy place now and what are your plans for the future?

porn-again-image-03I am happier than I have been at any point in my life, which is interesting considering that so much around me is in transition – my career, my love life, etc. In the past, I was someone who had to have everything in order. And now, for the first time, I am at peace just seeing where my path goes – and not trying to control everything. That’s not to say that I don’t have difficult days or that I don’t question myself…I haven’t gotten everything figured out. I am a work in progress like everyone else.

I will definitely be writing a second book! Most likely a novel. Stay tuned.

Lastly, if you could say one thing to the younger version of yourself who was struggling with his sexuality, what would it be? And what advice would you give to other people in a similar situation?

If I could have a chat with my younger self, I’d reassure him that he is a person of value. For a long time, I felt worthless, which I think is a horrible, debilitating thing for anyone – let alone a young person.

I don’t think there’s “across the board” advice that works for everyone; people have different resources and varying levels of support, and I understand how that can affect decision-making. That said, I am hopeful that those who have ever felt different – for any reason – can find comfort in knowing that they’re not alone.

To find our more about Josh, or to buy Porn Again: A Memoir, you can visit Josh’s website.
You can also follow Josh on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

Check out the awesome interview Josh did on Feast of Fun.

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