My partner and I are in the process of trying to find out. I’m cautiously optimistic however and think that we will make new gay friends. But the main question we both have is, why does it seem so hard?
To make it even harder for ourselves, we’ve just moved onto a semi-country property, we both work from home and we don’t use Grindr, Gaydar or any form of gay hook up app.
Making Gay Friends Gets Harder As You Get Older
Part of it may be an age thing. While your twenties are all about finding yourself and making new friends wherever life may take you (overseas, uni, new job), by 30, there’s a certain expectation that you’ve made the friends you’re going to make, and now it’s time to settle down.
Part of settling down involves honouring whatever commitments we’ve made in our lives, whether they be to our partners, families, careers, or the bank in the form of a 30 year mortgage. As a by product of our commitments, we have less time for our existing gay friends, much less the time and energy needed to make new ones.
Another part of it may be to do with becoming pickier as we get older. As we know ourselves better, we develop a criteria that we apply to new people we meet, based on what we’ve experienced to work and not work before. This can be a good thing as it steers us away from the people we don’t want to have in our lives, but as we sharpen our focus, the available pool of meeting suitable people shrinks considerably.
Then there’s also the fact that we’re only looking for gay friends, and not to hook up (which ironically feels like it would be easier). While there are a plethora of hook up apps, there aren’t as many gay friend apps, are there? It seems that in the abundance of available casual sex, room hasn’t been made for those genuinely looking for friendships, and people to hang out with.
I know that this isn’t a new thing in the gay community (only the medium is different), but it still leaves me a bit confused. Even when I was single (and I was single for a looooong time), I would have always chosen friendship over fucking (OK, well at least 95% of the time).
But all is not lost. Despite these hurdles, we’ve actually discovered that there are in fact, other ‘gays in the village’. Two other couples in fact. So, with an exchange of numbers, we have made the first step towards the possibility of a new friendship with one of the couples. Who knows how it will go?
Just because we’re both gay and live in the same area, is no guarantee of friendship. But, it might just be a start. Maybe as we go along, we’ll discover shared interests, enjoy each other’s company and develop a friendship based on trust, honesty and loyalty. Or, they may never answer our first text message, who knows?
I’ll keep you posted as things progress.