How come we don’t seem to celebrate being single, the same way we celebrate being in a relationship?
I was single for a looooong time in my twenties. Just over 6 years to be exact. And guess what?…I absolutely loved it! I travelled. I studied. I met some great people. I met some not so great people. Looking back on it, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. That time in my life has without a doubt shaped me into the man I am today.
Like anything in life, being single is what you make of it. It can be amazing, or it can be hell. That’s why I’d like to celebrate singlehood and focus on some of the positive aspects of being single.
You Are Complete And Good Just As You Are
The idea of finding another person to complete you, or to fill some void in your life, has been mistakenly confused with romantic love for too long. Personally, I think the idea of having someone else complete you is a surefire way to guarantee relationship doom. I just don’t think you can find outside of yourself that which can only come from within.
It’s interesting how as a society, we tend to look down on single people. It’s as if there’s something wrong with them, or missing from their lives, just because they’re not in a relationship. I totally disagree with this point of view. I really used my single time to focus on myself and work out who I was. I never felt lesser than or as if there was anything wrong with me. I was always well aware that I was on the right path (for me) and doing what I needed to be doing.
In fact, I think finding a sense of completeness when you are single is a brilliant foundation for when you do decide to enter into a relationship. You have a much better idea of who you are, what your needs are and what you can bring to the table. Not only are these attractive traits in a potential partner, they’re also important traits for successfully navigating into a healthy and ultimately fulfilling partnership with another human being.
Being able to do what you want, when you want, with who you want is one of the best aspects of being single. Not that being in a relationship means you lose all freedom, but you do need to compromise at least some of the time. When you’re single, you don’t have to compromise or take anyone else into account at all.
Freedom doesn’t have to mean going out every night, or hooking up left, right and centre (although it can mean those things too, if that’s what you want). It really comes down to a) hearing and b) following your inner voice. If you feel like a quiet night engrossed in a novel on the couch, you can do it. If you feel like inviting some friends over and cooking up a feast, you can do that too.
It’s an amazing feeling to really enjoy and love your life. So many people don’t. If you’re single, it really is up to you (and only you) as to how much you get out of life, and whether what you’re getting is what you’re wanting. You can create the best life for yourself and really get to know you you are, what you like to do, and what makes you – you.
How can I extoll the virtues of singlehood without mentioning one of it’s biggest benefits? Sex! You can have it as often as you like, with whoever you like. You don’t even have to leave your house to have it anymore. Good sex is simply an app and a few clicks away. How convenient!
Looking back on my single years, I actually didn’t have a lot of casual sex. For me, it just wasn’t that much of a priority. If I had the choice between conversation or cock, I’d go with conversation. Well, most of the time anyway. I guess for me, sex and love are intertwined and I was happy to wait to be in love before exploring that aspect of my life again.
It’s completely up to you how much sex you have, with who you have it, and most importantly, why you have it. You may want to feel a connection with another human being, or you may want to explore aspects of your sexuality that you’ve never tried for it. Go for it! Singlehood is fertile ground for exploring sexual boundaries, trying new things and expanding your horizons.
So, whether you’ve been single for 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years – know this: you are complete and good just as you are. The right person is out there. You will find them. Trust in that and all the details that we so obsessively want to know and control (but can’t), will unfold just as they’re meant to. In the meantime, enjoy and celebrate your singlehood. Who knows, this may very well be the last time you’re ever single in your life!